Google Yourself

So I'm sitting at home on a Friday night totally bored. Sad, I know. After a particularly LOOOOONG stressful week at work, I don't feel much like going out, and I'm too wound up to go to bed. Normally I would read or write, but that takes too much energy and I feel very veg right now. Nothing left to do but Google random shit.

On a whim, I type my name in Google images and the first few snapshots are my profile pics from Facebook and MySpace! I haven't been on MySpace in like, years! Thank goodness it was only a random picture from before my wedding where I'm dressing up in my veil acting silly (but not too silly) with the siblings. Nothing embarrassing. Makes a person wonder just how they're presenting themselves on the web, though. Think about it, your employer, co-workers, friends and family can simply type your name in one of a dozen search engines and something is bound to pop up-not all of it necessarily good.

With this in mind, I stopped worrying about my own web image and thought about who else I could find. I decided to start with old friends. Unfortunately, that search yielded nothing too exciting (you'll never guess who's gay now, who's divorced and who looks fabulous after 3 kids)! Then, the inevitable....the great EX search. Gotta pull up all the guys you dated, crushed on, stalked from afar-and hope your winning at life-not the Charlie Sheen kind. Nothing is more depressing than realizing someone is better off without you. =(

My epic investigations were stonewalled by sites that want money to see who's searching for you, and locked profiles with no pictures or bio. Don't get me wrong, I found the people I wanted, but couldn't get any information without "friending" them of some sort first. And that's just bad business. I admit though, I am tempted. It's just  so interesting to see how people have changed-and how some have stayed exactly the same. You get the "Ah, now I remember why we didn't work out" epiphany and the "Aww, I wish you were this person X years ago" syndrome.

Alas, I resisted the urge to connect with the old BF's and browsed through my current friends photos instead. Interesting to learn something new about someone you thought you knew. And a photo is worth a thousand words. Which is why you really need to Google yourself.

Hot Guy Names

Writing a NY Times bestselling novel isn't easy. If it was I'd have cranked a few out by now. Alas, it takes a lot of hard work, dedication, creativity and inspiration. And if there's a YA romance, you need a hot leading male for tweens to drool over. Whether he be of the supernatural persuasion or boy-next-door persona, His name must elicit shrieks and squeals. Let's face it, "Team Ned" just doesn't have the same ring to it as "Team Edward."

 Mass adoration never happened for a "Hal." "Bob" doesn't make me weak in the knees. And nobody's swooning for "Herbert." The only geek I can think of making the ladies crazy is "Fredward" from iCarly.

 I'll admit it's totally my guilty pleasure! Nickelodeon has such a way with innuendos and random hilarity. Nathan Kress plays the tech-savvy, awkward geek. A role that's hard to maintain now that he's lost his baby fat, bulked up into some nice muscle and looks like this:

He's no Disney star (i.e. Zac Efron) and it's a slight creep factor that he's a year younger than my little brother, but that still places him at a solid 18 so I can legally call him a cutie. 

I digress.

So on a rampant Internet search for a great Hot Guy Name for my leading man, I thoughtfully google search key phrases such as "Hot Guy Names" and discover this gem of an article: 

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/hot-guy-names.html

Now, they could mean "hot" as in popular at this point in time. But after reviewing the list, it seems most of these are great names for characters so dream-worthy they make you want to drop your real BF and find a werewolf to call your own. In case you are wondering, I chose "Chase" and "Blaze" which showed up on these lists. My other character "Riley" did not appear, however, I still think it's a very sexy name. Moreover, I was pleasantly surprised to see my husband's name, Bryce, show up not once, but twice! 

..	• Bas • Brody • Blaine • Blaze • Bry • Blade • Bryce • Brent • Blaine • Beau • Bryce • Brad • Bram • Brody • Braylon • Brock

Anybody have a Hot Guy Name they would like to share before I name off all my characters? Should I re-name "Riley?" Any input is greatly appreciated!

Burger King

Have It Your Way...

Unless you try to order the Rodeo Burger. 

Apparently that is no longer available on the menu-shows you how often I go to the BK Lounge. Even though they have all the fixin's! Burger? Check. Cheese? check. Onion ring? BBQ Sauce? Bacon? Check. Check. Check. But I'm told some cockamamie story that there's no button on the register to charge me. I would have to order a cheeseburger, add the bacon, hold the mayo, mustard, lettuce, pickle, onion. I would be charged for a whole order of onion rings, of course, they can't just charge me 10 cents for a single O Ring like they do for cheese and bacon. I have to remember to request BBQ sauce before I drive off then assemble the burger myself. 

Frustrated, I demand to know the cheapest, most comparable item on the menu and am directed to the Burger King Single Stacker for only $1. I order 2. It's a burger with cheese, "bacon," and I get my free BBQ sauce to add on top. Some assembly still required. No frills and no thrills-I got exactly what I paid for. Because I work in a warehouse: "I have ruler, will measure" (or is it "have measuring tape, will rule?"). The standard bun measures 3 inches across and the patty is only 2 inches in diameter. You do the math-this is the smallest burger I have ever seen rivaling that of Mickey D's kids meal burger for the most pathetic. I would have been better off getting 1 double than 2 singles for $2-twice the meat substitute and half the carbs! My "medium" fries, however, can feed China's army. No wonder America is obese. 

Next time I'm getting Subway for lunch-at least there I know what disappointing bread awaits and I can pretend I'm eating healthy.

Bumped by Megan McCafferty

So deliciously controversial! In 2036 a virus has mass spread preventing everyone over 18 from conceiving. Faced with extinction, teens are prized as the new breeders. You have amateurs (who get "bumped" by their boyfriends) and professionals (who are paid top $$ for their select genetic contribution).

Cleverly written, McCafferty embraces the bump-crazed culture with her perfectly penned vernacular uniquely reminiscent of Amy Heckerling's "Clueless." 'Sex' is rarely mentioned directly-vaguely referred to as "bumping" or the act of creating a baby bump. 'Pregnant' is consistently shortened to 'preg' and the babies have nicknames. By staying away from modern society's taboo phrases and words, Bumped allows the reader to somewhat disassociate with the serious subject matter and revel in the satirical undertones.

Bumped follows the separate-at-birth and recently-reunited identical twins Melody and Harmony. melody was raised by economy professors who predicted the pay-for-preg craze and adopted and raised Melody for maximum ROI. although she's under a 6 figure contract and waiting to repro (her agent is trying to pair her with the perfect genetic match for an optimal bump), this "virge on the verge" (virgin on the verge of obsolescence) is having doubts. Doubts caused by the sudden appearance of her preachy twin Harmony who was raised by the 2036 version of the Amish. Living segregated from society and refuting all technology including the MiNet (and you thought FB was time-consuming!) the "Goodsiders" have arranged marriages at 13 and the girls are groomed to become faithful wives dedicated wives, and submit to domesticity for the benefit of the community. Harmony is on a Mission to save her sister-or is she? Harmony's Bible-thump to Melody's baby-bump attitude adds comical insight to both society's extremes. Seriously, McCafferty manages to perfectly balance an epic bitch-slap to religion while preaching morality and purity. You gotta read it to believe it.

McCafferty's sinfully decadent novel doesn't become overly thought provoking until the last 20-or-so pages. The unprecedented predicament sets up for a sequel promising to be far more complicated and grown-up than the curious debut. With the sequel, Melody and Harmony will have tough choices to make and I anticipate the consequences will be brought to light. Issues of postpartum depression, sacrificing virginity and birthing complications are merely touched upon in Bumped.

In an America obsessed with teen pregnancies ("16 and Pregnant", "Teen Mom") the situation is sensationalized by the ignorant and perpetuated by the weak and self-indulgent. Impressionable young minds, raised by MTV replacing decent parenting and tabloids creating reality stars, idolize the mistakes made when you don't close your legs, rubber up, or pill/prick/patch yourself. McCafferty's exuberant extremes satirize a culture that's becoming all-too-familiar. The fact there's no virus threatening mass extinction makes the real-world parallel that much more sad and pathetic. Whether McCafferty's intention or not, I hope Bumped can show impressionable teens just how important it is to think for yourself when faced with overwhelming pressure to conform. 

Call Me Trump...

...Cuz "You're Fired!"

Is it a jinx to fire someone on Friday the 13th? Hope not, because this morning that's the predicament I was in. I'm just so relieved now that it is all done and over with. I knew for over a year that this was the direction we were heading. In January I composed the annual performance evaluation and a separation seemed inevitable. I reviewed with the employee in March and a final warning was issued with a 30 day re-review. After more than 30 days, the evidence was insurmountable that this employee was not meeting the standards and expectations set forth. Still...

The most painful part was knowing what was coming. Ripping a band-aid off as slow as possible would have been preferable. Confrontation doesn't bother me. If someone was in my face screaming, I would have no problem putting them in their place. But playing the political game of documentation and CYA was brutal. Alas, it is done.

Unfortunately, my other CSR informed me Monday he found another position and would be resigning at the end of next week. So, that leaves me and myself to run the warehouse. Luckily the powers-that-be graciously granted me budget for a temp until I could find a replacement. We're going into the busiest month of our busiest season (summer in Las Vegas in HVAC industry-do the math) and I have to train a temp, interview and hire a replacement then train that guy too.

It's going to be difficult and frustrating and long hours and miserable. Somehow I think I'm going to enjoy every painstaking minute because I finally feel like a real manager. Nobody can treat me like a newbie or trainee after this. It's my branch and I will OWN it. I fired your ass. I will hire your replacement. I will mold him into my bitch. And I will rock every frickin minute of it.

Watch out boys, I finally feel like myself again.

......BTW this is the same employee that did THIS

Web Recommendations

I had an exceptionally crappy day at work. Mondays, go figure. So I call my friend Dylan who is gracious enough to spend several hours keeping me entertained while I stay late doing paperwork. How was said entertainment achieved? Through SmartphOWNED.com.

This awesome website catalogs some great epic mis-texts due to everybody's best friend predictive text. There's also some classic texts from parents who clearly don't understand this current technology. If you knew the texting conversation my brother had with my mom yesterday that started with "Happy Mother's Day" and ended with "Just stop texting, mom, it's not working" you would agree she is a prime candidate for this website.

Haven't had your own texting woes? Don't know what I'm possibly referring to? Check out these examples:

True Story

Several weeks ago my brother and I drove to Phoenix and had some very lively conversations. (you can read these at your own risk HERE and HERE) Among these inane conversations was the invigorating debate whether PMF was already established. My brother said he was claiming PMF as the new meme Palm Meets Forehead- a gesture of striking your palm against your forehead as a sign of showing annoyance at the ignorance around you. I disputed that FacePalm already existed. Bryce exclaimed he thought PMF already existed as short for Pissed Motha Fucka.

Daniel, in his valiant attempt to prove everyone wrong immediately searched UrbanDictionary.com and found no such entries referring to PMF as Palm Meets Forehead. Furthermore, he wrote the editors of UrbanDictionary.com his proposed meme and accompanying definition and examples.

PMF

Palm Meet Forehead- to show the person(s) around you that you know they are doing either 

the blatantly obvious or that they are dumber than a box of rocks. PMF is often accompanied by 

the "doh" sound upon striking the palm on the forehead.

In an obvious situation; My friend stuck his hand in boiling water and said it was "Hot."  

The proper response would be to PMF

In a dumb situation; My friend got drunk and thought he was falling off the face of the Earth. 

Show your feelings by PMF

He was just emailed the reply:

Thanks for your definition of PMF!

Editors reviewed your entry and have decided to publish it on urbandictionary.com.

It should appear on this page in the next few days:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=PMF

Urban Dictionary

My brother can be so irritating when he's right. Although, there are other PMF references and FacePalm does, in fact, already exist, I concede he wins this battle. BTW once it's up on the site, you can buy a T-shirt with PMF definition and all proceeds benefit the my-little-brother-owes-me-rent fund! 

Random Pics of Vegas

Houston Astros

On my work trip to Houston, I was treated to an Astros game. Since I don't follow basketball and was bored out of my mind, I chose to walk around and take photos. I played around with the settings on my camera and here are just a few pics I snapped.

I have no idea who the Astros were playing

I wandered outside for a bit. Don't know if you can tell, but it was fricking humid!

I loved this angle of the streets and color popped the blue for fun.

 The architecture at this point was very interesting to me.

A panned shot of the crowd

I popped the color for this fun picture of the game

The train actually drives around the side of the stadium. 

View of the game from my seat.

Some people actually did come to watch the game.

 People watching the street outside in Green

At this point the Astros were down by 5 runs. 

Another color pop to keep me entertained.

Why Southwest is Better Than Continental

A few weeks ago I had to fly to Houston for some sales training for work. Whenever I fly, I prefer Southwest airlines. The flight attendants are personable-not robotic- in their duties and the pilots usually have a sense of humor. This time, however, a corporate travel agency took care of all my travel arrangements and I had the displeasure of flying Continental. Yay me.

So the seats were spacious and I wasn't even in First Class. A bonus since it was an almost 4 hour flight. The cushions provided excellent lumbar support. I wished I had remembered headphones for the free in-flight movie and debated purchasing a headset, it was only $2. They were showing Gulliver's Travels with Jack Black, so it wasn't a hard decision to simply read my book for the duration of the flight instead.

Now for the bad...

It took more than 45 minutes to board and this is with assigned seating. (I have never taken more than 30 minutes to board on Southwest and that's with relatively lax seating arrangements). We left the gate 10 minutes late. The check-in clerk, the stewardesses, pilot and another flight attendant were extremely rude and bossy, barking orders at the boarders left and right. I was among the last 15 people to board-done based on assigned seating and was instructed before I even got on the plane I had 5 minutes to find my seat and sit down because we were already behind schedule. Someone (it may have been me) gave the steward a nasty glare and he simply retorted: "well, if you want to be delayed it's your choice, but then don't complain later."

The aisles were a cluster fuck as people were travelling to the back of the plane to put up carry-ons in the overhead bins even though their seat was near the front. This constant back and forth caused numerous pile ups to which the frazzled flight attendant barked louder and repeatedly to "hurry up!" Another stewardess attempted to direct traffic instructing a lady ion her seat to stand and let a gentleman past her to the window seat. She acknowledged this and stood. Then the stewardess yelled at her to move into the aisle to let him pass. The aisle was plum full and as 2 objects of mass cannot occupy the same space at the same time, we were at a stalemate until the line progressed forward. The stewardess literally climbed over the back of one seat to stand on the seat directly behind the lady, leaned in and yelled in her face to do as she said as we were delayed. The patron pointed to the crowd in front of her and simply stated there was nowhere for her to go. The which she received a nasty response: "sometimes you have to sacrifice personal space and comfort on a plane for the convenience of fast travel. Now, ma'am, please push your way in to the crowd so this man can sit down and we can be on our way. We are already delayed and you are not helping the situation." All surrounding jaws dropped wide open.

May I point out once all was said and done and we were in the air, the plane was only at 75% capacity. As soon as the drink cart came around, the offending flight attendants were sweet, helpful, and complimentary.

Oddly enough, the return flight did not have nearly the same headaches. I did note it frustrating that the return flight also did not have the same conveniences. This plane had t.v. screens in the back of each chair (as opposed to 1 hang-down screen every three rows), headphones were free, but you had to pay to watch the programming. I again chose to read for the 4 hour flight.

Congratulations goes to United/Continental for their glorious merger of 2 horrible airline companies into 1 miserable conglomerate.

A Saturday in Las Vegas

After a fantastic night at PF Chang's last Friday for Alan's Birthday Extravaganza, the following Saturday held mostly relaxation and light partying. While the gang gathered at the Flamingo pool early in the AM, we were late-comers because Bryce was extremely hungover. Seriously, we didn't wake until noon and then he spent the next few hours praising the Porcelain God before I could get his butt in gear to drive the 13 miles to the Flamingo on the Strip. Sadly enough, we had to make a pit stop on the side of the freeway. Bryce -0- Alcohol -2-.

Cori naps and Drew relaxes

Bryce feeling slightly better

Karen dozes off after spending all morning playing in the pool

Alan and Dana

Me!

Chillin' with Bryce

Alan, Cori and Karen

The whole gang at our sweet poolside cabana courtesy of Miss Karen

Yes, he gets to marry her.

 Seeing as how the pool closes at 6pm, it was time to pack up and move on. Everyone went back to their hotel rooms to shower and change. Alan was gracious enough to let us crash in his room for a few hours rather than drive all the way home again. party animals that we are laid around and watch AFV (that's America's Funniest Videos for those not in the know). Finally, we all met up again and headed out to Fremont Street as most of the visitor's have never been to the Fremont Experience.

Getting ready in the hotel room for Saturday night.

Check out Karen dancing and singing to I Just Had Sex by The Lonely Island 

Daniel chillaxing

Photo time at Tony Roma's at the Fremont

Me and the hubs at dinner

Only 1 beer was involved in the making of this photo

The night was super amazing! We had the steak and lobster special at Tony Roma's then spent the evening walking around the Fremont Experience. We enjoyed the different bands that were performing on the various stages. The group explored several of the older hotels (it was neat seeing the mini aquarium at Gold Coast pool). And the perfect ending to a wonderful night was teaching Jonathan to play craps and winning over $300 at the craps table. Friggin' sweet!