My Awesome Cat

My awesome cat, Bond.

What Happen in Vegas Stays in Vegas....

....Unless I post all the sordid details HERE!

Celebrated a friend's 25th birthday in Las Vegas this weekend. I am so exhausted and partied out but it was one of the best weekends ever! Sad thing is, I didn't even participate in all the activities.

Started off Friday night with a celebration dinner at PF Chang's. All-You-Can-Drink for 2 hours, tons of appetizers and entrees. Now, I had worked all day before dinner and then we spent the night drinking and gambling so it was a long 24 hours.

Let's meet some of the players:

Birthday Boy Alan planned the whole night. He is the ultimate event coordinator and throws the best parties!

Newly engaged Jonathon and Dana. (See the adorable Christmas proposal)

Q: Why the sunglasses indoors? A: Covering up the hangover from that afternoon. VEGAS!

It was awesome hanging out with a group of girls for a change.

Now let's introduce some unlimited alcohol.

Greg the waiter brings the first round of drinks.

I think Patron shots were the 3rd or 4th tray of drinks.

Ready for the AFTER pictures?

The boys get very friendly.

Sharing is caring.

Check out Alan's Patron Shot:

Karen and I pose for glamour shots.

Well, Alyssa does date a cop.

After dinner, the group of about 14 migrated several hotels down to O'Shea's where we gambled, drank some more, and just plain ol' had fun. Bryce was so out of his mind drunk, he was obnoxious and kept calling Alyssa "Alyson." She was not amused. At one point, I was talking to Dana and some random dude walked past her and kissed the back of her head. Then proceeded to stalk her around the casino. Somewhere around the 2am mark, my brother AKA DD, deciphered my drunk tests and finally found me. He was the only person sane enough to alert security to our creepy rapist-killer-stalker who promptly kicked him out. After another hour of sinfully cavorting with friends, Daniel guided me and Bryce the half mile trek back to the car.

Big D be Big Pimpin'

In bed by 4am and I only drunk texted a few select friends and family...and Facebook. No harm done!

Happy 25th birthday Alan! thanks for a wonderful time!!!

Web Recommendations

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So what is a Perfectly Timed Photo?

It's a photo taken at the right moment that makes the impossible...possible.

The appropriate becomes...inappropriate.

And the really cool...even cooler.

Some photos speak for themselves...

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So what are you waiting for? Check out PerfectlyTimedPhotos.com for yourself and get inspired, laugh, or just waste an hour looking at pictures you wish you took. 

Road Trip Rewind

If you enjoyed the post: Road Trip to Phoenix then you will LOVE this sequel! We abandoned our musical transcripts due to the inability to keep track of the changing songs. Daniel also began to note random musings and minutes then encouraged me to do the same when we switched off driving.

Actual notes:

Gas Station @ 1:44 it is a QT to be specific

Leaving gas station @ 1:48

Val has salsa on her shrt….Epic

Valerie- look…

Daniel- what?

Valerie-in the sky there are two planes

Daniel-Val they are all over now…you get to ride in one tmrw….dork

I was able to enjoy the whole weekend with my family during my time spent back in phoenix.  As well  as giving them a few gut busting laughs. Apparently I can be hilarious at times. While on our way home from say goodbye to our Grandparents,  My sisters had dared me to roll down my window and give the biker at the stop light a one eye wink hand pistol imitation gesture thingy. So without hesitation I did. ‘nough said on that story. Well the light had changed green and the biker got the hell out of dodge as quick as possible only to be re acquainted at the next red light by me of course. Again, my sisters needed another laugh so I rolled down my window one more time. I tried to get the annoyed bikers’ attention by nonchalantly pounding my fist against the car door and shouting, “Hey!” well needless to say, it only pissed him off even more and he once more sped away. Just as he thought that he was in the clear, guess who comes rolling up next to him at the next red light, me. Only this time I was prepared with a camera and there is only one thing to do with a camera, take pictures. Well I have no Idea what came over me but as I took a photograph of this bikers’ mean mug I yelled, “Gotcha Bitch!” Just another epic and true story with my time spent amongst my sisters. Maybe I’ll share more with you on my  never ending journey to the sin city I now call home.

I want to claim this as mine à PMF- it stands for palm meet forehead. It is to be used in everyday conversations when the other person(S) has said or done something that is completely foolish and makes no sense what so ever. On the contrary, it can be used when someone points out the blatantly obvious. (I.E.  Sticking your hand in boiling water and announcing that it is hot.)  You are able to use PMF to express and acknowledge your interest in what the other(s) have said or done. This lets them know that you know they are a dumb ass and fail at everyday life tasks such as drinking from cups.

I now know how to make my sister happy. I just burped and she said “nice” she must have actually appreciated it or is secretly a guy and just enjoys a good ole burp like the rest of us. Note to self; try again at random intervals and note her reaction. I have my doubts about my first suspicion.

The car has just reached 100800 miles even on April 11, 2011 at 3:05PM MST.

The suspense of what I am writing is killing my sister. She must not know the information I have acquired.

Another note to self; think of other places you can put tables to make money. Ideas; the moon, roller-coasters, side of highways…wait that is taken, inside public restrooms

Don’t play semantics with Val. She is almost as smart as I am and I think she is catching on to my logic. She must not have access to my way of thinking!  

I know why the sky is blue. As humans the color clue is calming and assuring, sooo what better color to name the biggest thing we can see than the color blue. Genius

As traveling down the freeway going the normal 60mph, my sister, who is a college graduate, sees a sign that reads,” Next stop 30 miles.” Says that is like 30 minutes right? Ya Val, it is. Here is your sign.

Business. Not only is it fucking smart but it makes you money if done right. I want to purchase a big ass pretty colored hill. Of course we will have to take some core samples before we make our financial investment but once decided on a location, we shall rapidly grade our grade A hill down to nothing and sell our pretty dirt to others at a substantial market increase.  I also figure we can shape our hill into some sort of a big ass desirable shape that once we have used all the sources up, we can sell this plot of land with a big ass sculpted feature for another increased price to some other sucker.

Business...fucken smart ®

April 10, 2011 @ 4:43PM MST, Valerie is maintaining a constant speed of 84mph roughly 135kph with no sign of her right metatarsals (aka her fright foot)  depressing the accelerator. Q: How is she doing this? A: It must be some sort of wizardry or skill she seems to have obtained to tame this mechanical beast called Saturn. Note to self; keep a watchful eye out for any activity pertaining to where her powers or coming from.

Our quest has brought us to the city of Kingman, Az. at 4:50PM MST, Valerie is insisting on me taking control at the wheel. Q: Am I up for the challenge? A: You better believe it.

Valerie's story….

5:12PM MST Just outside of Kingman, AZ and my brother comments on a car that is pulled over up ahead by obnoxiously exclaiming : Woop-Woop (his childish imitation of a police siren). Bwah ha ha. Someone got pulled over. As we drive by, he notes it is a rental vehicle and laughs. I don’t understand how this is funny.

5:13PM MST Still just outside of Kingman, AZ. Daniel asks how to set the cruise control. He tells me I am wrong, but I am right. Either way we are now cruising.

Daniel muses he wishes the road from Kingman to the Hoover Dam was on an incline so we could see how straight it is. He then re-iterates to me how straight this road is. As if I didn’t know. I’ve done this drive every month for almost 2 years-I’m well aware of the straight road. I keep my mouth shut and let him have this small victory.

Daniel is trying real hard to turn PMF into “his thing.” I think it’s already been done. He wants me to Google it. Perhaps Wikipedia has some information on modern slang? Either way, I will do my sisterly duty to spread PMF like wildfire until the time I can say “I told you so.”

5:21PM MST Daniel slams on the brakes because he sees a cop up ahead on the road. It makes me realize I have to pee. At least we didn’t get pulled over. Of course, Daniel possesses a phenomenal talent for talking his way out of trouble.

Daniel yells out “Hot Wire A Tire.” I stare at him. He says “what? The road is adopted by Hot wire A Tire.” “Are we shouting out all the signs now?” I ask. “Whatever” he responds. I stare at him then type this.

5:24 PM MST Daniel passes a car. I still have to pee. Q: Are we there yet? A: No.

7:39PM Bryce informs us PMF has already been taken as “FacePalm.” I tell Daniel, I told you so.

Road Trip to Phoenix

So on our trip to Phoenix this past weekend, Daniel had this crazy notion he would pass the time on his laptop while I drove. Unbelievably, he did just that the whole way. It is incredible to think we no longer live in the era of road trip I-Spy and parents no longer need to entice children with a riveting round of "the quiet game." We have game-boys, iPods, portable DVD players, and laptops to keep us individually entertained for extended periods of time.

Occasionally, I prompted Daniel to take random photos and instructed him to keep track of the music we were listening to so I could later put together a road trip mix CD, if I felt so inclined. He thought it would be better to write down our conversations, and later, random musings. Chaos ensued, and from this, comedic genius was birthed. I admit, it gets rather silly and kind of long, so read on at your own risk....

Actual transcripts from our road trip to Phoenix:

Mambo #5-Lou Bega

45-shine down

Meet at the equinox-Death Cab for Cutie

When I'm gone- Eminem

Mocking Bird- Eminem

One is the Loneliest Number-Three Dog Night

Take a Minute- K'Naan

Waiting for My Ruca-Absract Rude

Mexican Radio- Authority Zero

Falls Apart- Hurt

Bless The Broken Road-Rascal Flatts

Smooth-Santana

The Only Exception-Paramore

The Dog Days-??

Valerie-Rain drops Daniel, Rain Drops!!

Daniel- YEHOO!!!

Valerie-wow I have not watched the road this entire time

Daniel-It's not like its going anywhere

Valerie-:P Doh

Daniel-why is there snow on the small mountain. but not the big one?

Valerie- Well that one is slightly more south.

Daniel- Doh! Palm meet face

Daniel- Vall you better not slow down cuz I'll shoot you.

Valerie- oh, well that's not very nice.

Valerie- Are you really typing everything?

Daniel- No response but it was an understood yes

Daniel-what is this song?

Valerie- Fly by Ludvico

Daniel- How do you spell that?

Valerie- F-L

Daniel- I hate you Val *PMF*

Valerie-smack hand on window, "It's cold."

Daniel- Great observation, eye roll

Stop at Arby's for food. Daniel isn't hungry, but ends up eating half Valerie's fries. Valerie ordered 5 chicken strips, but was awesomely awarded 6. Val feeding Daniel while he drives:

Valerie-open up wide, I got fries

Daniel-opens wide-

Valerie-feeding Daniel

Daniel-val, you totally missed my mouth-he lciks the side of his cheek

Valerie-oops, sorry. here's a piece of chicken'

Daniel-open mouth even wider, starts to close

Valerie-wait! don't bite me

Daniel-then get you're hand out of me mouth

Valerie-I didn't want to hit your cheek again

Daniel-whatever

Valerie-ok, ready for another bite?

Daniel-opens up mouth

Valerie-okay, I'm just going to set the food on your tongue this time

Daniel-starts laughing

two songs go by

Daniel-are you writing these songs down?

Valerie-no, Bryce put random songs on here

Daniel-you should play with the camera and record yourself

TRACK 2

track 3

Valerie-okay, I think we've heard all these songs about 3 times now. Time for a new CD

puts in Broken Bells CD

Valerie-I love this song, but I cant understand the lyrics, so I just make them up

to each his own
the dog don't answer if you knock

cut his lips on the bar

I don't know but the dead cant talk to anyone

come on and get the mini bar

before you open up your eyes
this zombie's already hands
to analyze

collect it at the borderline

the ones you get out of your hair

cuz we love our salty moms

the high road is hard to find

the detour is onion line

tell all of your friends killing mine
the dogs who ran all night
that's all you hoped it was
a break from the warfare in your house
to each his own
the soldiers bent bailing out

its too late to change your mind

let guard be your guide

its too late to change your life

you let laws be your guide

Valerie-oh here's another one

clap clap clap

clap clap clap

she sold her love to a modern man

cuz solid currency is the hardest to love
all of that money lets you cover your arm

don't let the lady finger blow in your hand
still in love 
with your daughter

shes a star tonight

without warning

she gave up the ghost inside

just like Lewinsky, ball and chain on the floor

too lit to lead all the songs in the cut

for our daughter

shes a star tonight

without warning

she gave up the ghost inside

some call it chivalry never pull a punch for free

you ever wonder why they had to move on
it so neon coat

a double standard you invoke when you walk

for our daughter

shes a star tonight

without warning

she gave up the ghost inside

was it all for show

don't turn into arms again

turn another page

trust me darling

turn it all hate

trust me darling

cover them up to the dust in your town'

crawling over rubble

Daniel-gawd I was hoping one of these cars would stop so I could pass

Valerie-sighs-are we there yet?

Valerie-this is weird, I'm actually getting really tired

Daniel-well you worked all day and I slept in

Valerie-rub it in why don't you?

Daniel-well...

Daniel-it's dark out and its nighttime and I'm tired. this has never happened before. what do i do?

Valerie-shut up

Daniel-i can only help you so much, val

Valerie changes CD and Kesha starts playing

Daniel-shakes his head

Daniel-horrible

Daniel-seriously, val….open up videos on the laptop and search dynamite hack

Valerie-plays boyz in da hood video

Daniel-sings along

the video skips ahead to the end

Daniel-did you skip ahead?

Valerie-not on purpose, I may have hit something

song ends

Daniel-yeah, you did. It didn’t play the whole song

Valerie-sorry, want me to start over?

Daniel-nah, I just needed a song I knew the lyrics too and relief from kesha

it gets quiet

Valerie-I need something, what other videos do you have?

Daniel-I have more music than videos

Valerie-50 cent? No thank you. Oooh…clicks song

Aerosmith walk this way plays

Daniel-oh yeah!

Valerie and Daniel sing along

Daniel-so how much cocaine did Charlie sheen actually do?

Valerie-damn! I know this one. I just heard it the other day. Um…

Daniel-just stares at Valerie

Valerie-I dunno

Daniel-enough to kill two and half men

Valerie-see, I told you I knew that one

Daniel-do you realize we are coming home with 25 boxes of girl scout cookies?

Valerie-yeah, I know

Daniel-we should stop at the hoover dam and give some away to the security guards

Valerie-we’ll still have like 20 boxes left

Blake Shelton-ol red

Daniel-oh I love this song. Have you heard it?

Valerie-yeah

Daniel-do u like it?

Valerie-I'm playing it now, aren’t i?

Daniel starts singing along