Saturday, April 16, 2011

Road Trip Rewind

If you enjoyed the post: Road Trip to Phoenix then you will LOVE this sequel! We abandoned our musical transcripts due to the inability to keep track of the changing songs. Daniel also began to note random musings and minutes then encouraged me to do the same when we switched off driving.

Actual notes:


Gas Station @ 1:44 it is a QT to be specific

Leaving gas station @ 1:48
Val has salsa on her shrt….Epic

Valerie- look…
Daniel- what?
Valerie-in the sky there are two planes
Daniel-Val they are all over now…you get to ride in one tmrw….dork



I was able to enjoy the whole weekend with my family during my time spent back in phoenix.  As well  as giving them a few gut busting laughs. Apparently I can be hilarious at times. While on our way home from say goodbye to our Grandparents,  My sisters had dared me to roll down my window and give the biker at the stop light a one eye wink hand pistol imitation gesture thingy. So without hesitation I did. ‘nough said on that story. Well the light had changed green and the biker got the hell out of dodge as quick as possible only to be re acquainted at the next red light by me of course. Again, my sisters needed another laugh so I rolled down my window one more time. I tried to get the annoyed bikers’ attention by nonchalantly pounding my fist against the car door and shouting, “Hey!” well needless to say, it only pissed him off even more and he once more sped away. Just as he thought that he was in the clear, guess who comes rolling up next to him at the next red light, me. Only this time I was prepared with a camera and there is only one thing to do with a camera, take pictures. Well I have no Idea what came over me but as I took a photograph of this bikers’ mean mug I yelled, “Gotcha Bitch!” Just another epic and true story with my time spent amongst my sisters. Maybe I’ll share more with you on my  never ending journey to the sin city I now call home.

I want to claim this as mine à PMF- it stands for palm meet forehead. It is to be used in everyday conversations when the other person(S) has said or done something that is completely foolish and makes no sense what so ever. On the contrary, it can be used when someone points out the blatantly obvious. (I.E.  Sticking your hand in boiling water and announcing that it is hot.)  You are able to use PMF to express and acknowledge your interest in what the other(s) have said or done. This lets them know that you know they are a dumb ass and fail at everyday life tasks such as drinking from cups.



I now know how to make my sister happy. I just burped and she said “nice” she must have actually appreciated it or is secretly a guy and just enjoys a good ole burp like the rest of us. Note to self; try again at random intervals and note her reaction. I have my doubts about my first suspicion.

The car has just reached 100800 miles even on April 11, 2011 at 3:05PM MST.

The suspense of what I am writing is killing my sister. She must not know the information I have acquired.



Another note to self; think of other places you can put tables to make money. Ideas; the moon, roller-coasters, side of highways…wait that is taken, inside public restrooms

Don’t play semantics with Val. She is almost as smart as I am and I think she is catching on to my logic. She must not have access to my way of thinking!  

I know why the sky is blue. As humans the color clue is calming and assuring, sooo what better color to name the biggest thing we can see than the color blue. Genius
As traveling down the freeway going the normal 60mph, my sister, who is a college graduate, sees a sign that reads,” Next stop 30 miles.” Says that is like 30 minutes right? Ya Val, it is. Here is your sign.



Business. Not only is it fucking smart but it makes you money if done right. I want to purchase a big ass pretty colored hill. Of course we will have to take some core samples before we make our financial investment but once decided on a location, we shall rapidly grade our grade A hill down to nothing and sell our pretty dirt to others at a substantial market increase.  I also figure we can shape our hill into some sort of a big ass desirable shape that once we have used all the sources up, we can sell this plot of land with a big ass sculpted feature for another increased price to some other sucker.

Business...fucken smart ®

April 10, 2011 @ 4:43PM MST, Valerie is maintaining a constant speed of 84mph roughly 135kph with no sign of her right metatarsals (aka her fright foot)  depressing the accelerator. Q: How is she doing this? A: It must be some sort of wizardry or skill she seems to have obtained to tame this mechanical beast called Saturn. Note to self; keep a watchful eye out for any activity pertaining to where her powers or coming from.
Our quest has brought us to the city of Kingman, Az. at 4:50PM MST, Valerie is insisting on me taking control at the wheel. Q: Am I up for the challenge? A: You better believe it.



Valerie's story….


5:12PM MST Just outside of Kingman, AZ and my brother comments on a car that is pulled over up ahead by obnoxiously exclaiming : Woop-Woop (his childish imitation of a police siren). Bwah ha ha. Someone got pulled over. As we drive by, he notes it is a rental vehicle and laughs. I don’t understand how this is funny.

5:13PM MST Still just outside of Kingman, AZ. Daniel asks how to set the cruise control. He tells me I am wrong, but I am right. Either way we are now cruising.



Daniel muses he wishes the road from Kingman to the Hoover Dam was on an incline so we could see how straight it is. He then re-iterates to me how straight this road is. As if I didn’t know. I’ve done this drive every month for almost 2 years-I’m well aware of the straight road. I keep my mouth shut and let him have this small victory.

Daniel is trying real hard to turn PMF into “his thing.” I think it’s already been done. He wants me to Google it. Perhaps Wikipedia has some information on modern slang? Either way, I will do my sisterly duty to spread PMF like wildfire until the time I can say “I told you so.”

5:21PM MST Daniel slams on the brakes because he sees a cop up ahead on the road. It makes me realize I have to pee. At least we didn’t get pulled over. Of course, Daniel possesses a phenomenal talent for talking his way out of trouble.



Daniel yells out “Hot Wire A Tire.” I stare at him. He says “what? The road is adopted by Hot wire A Tire.” “Are we shouting out all the signs now?” I ask. “Whatever” he responds. I stare at him then type this.

5:24 PM MST Daniel passes a car. I still have to pee. Q: Are we there yet? A: No.

7:39PM Bryce informs us PMF has already been taken as “FacePalm.” I tell Daniel, I told you so.


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