What NOT to Say in a PC World

So you have the major items that draw debate: You can no longer say "retard" because it offends the mentally challenged individuals who process information at a slower than average rate. Fine. I'll agree to take offense.

My mom is no longer "Deaf." No, she hasn't miraculously regained her hearing, but sometime around 2001 she became "hearing impaired." Maybe because she was born with the disability, she deserves this PC title, but I don't hear any old-timers getting their panties in a bunch over losing their hearing and you know, going deaf, then being offended by it. Of course, are they demanding we call them age-impaired? But you get better with age, as many folks North of 40 spout religiously, so I guess age is not a PC hot topic.

Let's discuss race, then. Pick your race then tag -American at the end. I understand "Nigger" is a derogatory term for black people. But not when you're black and you're talking to someone black and you say the word as LAZILY AS POSSIBLE (i.e. niga, nicka, ne-ya). However, I can be labeled a food (cracker, for those of you not in the know) and have to accept that nickname? I can't even "retaliate" to your white reference by calling you black. Something you clearly ARE. I have to say you are African-American. Take a look around and count the number of black people that actually came from Africa or have parents that hailed from Africa. In most cases, you will find America born-and-bred for several generations. My great grandparents were from Germany. Does that make me German-American? Maybe. Do I say that? NO. I live in America and have never visited Germany-nor have my parents. Funny thing is, coming from the Southwest we are overrun with imports from Mexico. Kids, parents, grandparents, HUGE families come to the U.S.-legally and otherwise- for this so-called "better life" (pre-recession, of course). They actually have Mexican culture and heritage. They speak Spanish. They make authentic tamales and guac! They are most deserved of the title Mexican-American as a nice PC blend of their past and present culture. But, in my experience, Mexican's are so proud of their Mexican culture that they balk at any reference to being Americans. Mexicans have the audacity to drop the -American we so graciously grant them! What a slap in the PC face?!

How about religion? There's a nice non-PC topic. America was founded by folks searching for freedom from religious persecution (among other ideals). They included the clause that there should be a separation of Church and State (meaning, religion doesn't rule the Nation). However, we Pledge our Allegiance to "One Nation, Under God." I feel like there should be some sort of Venn Diagram or Flow Chart to help map this historical mindfuck.

My faith in Humanity only goes so far.

Now, we can't just opt out of saying the Pledge of Allegiance in our classrooms like reasonable, tolerant, mature and independent-thinking citizens. We have to FIGHT to get that nasty religious reference out. Forget time-honored tradition and harmless oaths. Then again, maybe Mexico has no such country oath and that's why so many beaners invade America? Now, I grew up saying the Pledge of Allegiance every morning in class for several years. Sometime around 4th grade, I was able to rationally question what I was saying and pledging to. Because I wasn't raised in a church-going family (single mother and all-GASP!), I knew of God and religion, but not much. I asked my mom. She believes in God and took me to a few different churches of varying Christian beliefs. I realized-FOR MYSELF- that God is a mythical being created by Man to rationalize life and death; the AfterLife is the belief that there is something more powerful than what we currently perceive thus creating a reason to live morally and ethically; and the Bible is a book of Old Wives Tales and fantastical stories created to inspire, teach, and mold how we shape our morals. I went back to school and continued to say the Pledge of Allegiance-as I loved my country and was proud to swear fealty- but I intentionally left out "Under God." Agree to disagree. And I was in 4th grade.

Why do we need to fight about this? If you are religious, then there is no problem saying "Under God" or having God printed on our currency. If you are not religious, then simply omit the words, do not say the Pledge at all, and don't use the money-pay for everything on your handy-dandy credit/debit card! Same for Creation vs Evolution. Let science teach, you know, SCIENCE-that which is based on FACT with evidentiary support- and teach Creation at home. Problem solved, now let's all get along.

Now, don't go thinking I'm the Anti-Christ and all because of my non-traditional views. I respect religion of all shapes, colors and sizes for how it teaches us to interact as decent human beings, and the strength and faith belief in a Higher Power can bring. There's peace and acceptance and love in religion that is very important on a fundamental level. 

religious extremist past (i.e. Branch Davidians near Waco, TX and Warren Jeffs FLDS Chruch in UT). Not everyone can be judge by the actions of everyone else in a similar group. That is called stereotyping. THAT is what is Politically Incorrect. 

In fact, comedy is the only time we should make light of stereotypes and ignorance because it brings to surface real issues. It allows people to laugh at one another-and at themselves-which allows a sense of unity that we ALL possess something that makes us difference, and that is okay. You have a funny accent, my skin is a different color, people of a certain age typically behave this way. Stereotypes are OKAY when everyone understand that they ARE IN FACT STEREOTYPES and not indicative of an entire race, age, culture, religion, lifestyle, gender, etc. We only have ourselves to blame when a stereotype is created and perpetuated.   It isn't laughing at a group of people who traditionally say, behave, eat, drink, or look a certain way that keeps the stereotype going. It's when a group of kids from New Jersey get a reality TV show that shows them with big hair, fake tans, hard bodies and wild accents boozing it up that creates and perpetuates the image of "Italian-Americans." It's the rap music video with drug and alcohol references, scantily-clad women dancing provocatively to lyrics making light violence, promiscuity, and illegal activities that perpetuates the stereotypical image of black teenagers who dress as if they were in that music video. It's Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie and Kim Kardashian who give bored rich girls a bad name. Stereotypes are funny because they are based on some kernal of truth. They are not PC at all, but they can give us great comedy:

And not so great comedy:

Oh, but it still isn't okay to do Black Face?

So when does a stereotype or comedic reference go too far? At what point do the civil liberties group and Advocates and varying I-Disagree-With-Everything-ers decide enough is enough and this is too offensive? 

When Christian Siriano, an openly gay male has to apologize to GLAAD for for his fierce catchphrase a "hot tranny mess" and likening trannies in the gay community to white trash in the heterosexual community? Was the transgendered  community really in that much of an uproar? More importantly, where were the Christian, redneck, white-trash, and heterosexual advocates outraged by being compared to trannies? The whole thing is absurd! (see: http://www.tvguide.com/news/Christian-Siriano-Offers-12020.aspx) 

Short people (vertically-challenged?) should not be called midgets. It's offensive. But Willy-Wonka can have Oompa Loompas-a bunch of short, orange people, running his chocolate factory. But if you call a short person an Oompa Loompa on the street, it's offensive. 

Actor Verne Troyer gained fame and notoriety by portraying "Mini-Me," the pint-sized version of Mike Meyers' character Dr. Evil. It's acceptable to call children "Mini-Me" as they are mini versions of their parents. But it's ignorant to refer to a short person as a miniature version of a full person. Even though that's EXACTLY what the movie did. And that garnered relatively low criticism from the short community. 

Also, I've yet to see Christmas boycotted for the overabundant use of short elves. 

Here's the latest issue to cause outrage: Stop Animation Film The Pirates! Band of Misfits offending leprosy campaigning groups. Please read this, because I cannot possibly go into more details without my head exploding from the absolute inanity of it. 

My honest question is why the Pirate community isn't more offended by their portrayal in this and other movies. 

Pictured: Pirate

Why stop at this family-friendly animation when there's more hard-hitting offenses out there in new cinema?Let's take a look at these new releases and why it upsets me that no one is picketing:

One For The Money starring Katherine Heigl has in it's very premise that working for a bail-bondsman is a last resort for the heroine. Member of PBUS (Professional Bail Agents of the United States) should be PISSED that this movie perpetuates the myth that bail agents are sleazy, uncouth, and unconventional jobs. If nothing else, Dog the Bounty Hunter should stand up for his chosen profession! 

Bail Enforcement Agents play a vital role in the economy and should be respected as the vigilante justice keepers they are!

The Grey stars Liam Neeson as a plane crash survivor in Alaska trying to stay alive in the wild as wolves hunt his intruding group. Goodness! Where do I even begin to be offended? First of all, PETA should be involved because this portrays wild animals behaving naturally in a natural, wild setting-which is detrimental to humans and will likely cause chaos and animosity toward these wild animals in their natural setting (re: Jaws). 

I'm surprised Sarah Palin hasn't spoke up to defend her great State. Travel Alaska, the State's official travel information and vacation source should be picketing against the movie's negative simulation of the Alaskan countryside. Surely, they take offense that this movie promotes Alaska as a wild and dangerous place that no one should dare travel to? 

Finally, there's the multi-billion dollar plane industry that should boycotting this movie and forcing a cease and desist of release because it clearly discriminates against air travel. Why couldn't it have been a cruise ship that left the oil miners stranded in Alaska instead of a plane crash? And let's not forget, according to USA Today, "Statistically speaking, flying is far safer than driving" (Don't believe me? CLICK HERE). 

This last one is a doozy. The poster and premise utilize perceived suicide as a possible option, although, it's not actually about a suicide, it's about the distraction of suicide to cover a much bigger, covert operation. Survivors of Suicide, a support group, should take offense to Man on a Ledge's chosen "distraction." Suicide is a serious problem plaguing the United States today with many youths and young adults seeing it as their only option rather than live with their everyday emotions and situation. Yet, this movie utilizes the possibility of a person killing themselves as a spectacle. I can't fathom how Leprosy Advocates can speak louder than Suicide Survivors and families affected by suicide. 

Also, I'm waiting for the Business Architects Association to speak up against the unfair portrayal of ledges as being unsafe. Because, let's face it, gravity kills people more often than ledge's do. 

Hangover Part II

I can't help but feel if my brother ever traveled to Bangkok, this would be his story.

I saw Hangover Part II in it's opening Memorial Day Weekend (can a day have it's own weekend?) and I gotta say-if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Literally this movie is an exact replica of the first. Different city, different lost guy, different antics, same characters, same plot. Doesn't matter because it was delightfully laugh out loud outrageously hysterical. The shock value was lessened only because you are expecting a certain shock value; however, the movie is anything but predictable. 

The movie intelligently acknowledged it's predecessor adding anticipation. Stu, the groom-to-be this time around, plays it safe by having an impromptu bachelor party at IHOP. At the rehearsal dinner, the character drink only from unopened bottles and display extreme caution to avoid a replicate wild night. So the suspense develops into How the hell did this happen again? And of course, figuring what transpired the previous night so they can find the missing member of the group in time for the wedding.

The second time around, the stakes are raised-apparently Bangkok is more seedy than Vegas as displayed with the repetitious "Bangkok has him now" tagline. The original Wolf Pack wakes up in a run-down motel room, apparently drugged again, to find a monkey, a naked Asian man, and a severed finger. As highly unrealistic (I hope) the storyline is, my only qualm is the underwhelming reaction to a missing appendage. There was more hysteria from Stu who woke up with a face tat.

 I still thoroughly enjoyed the wild ride and would recommend this movie to anyone over the age of 21. Much of the charm that made the prequel an instant cult classic is kept intact. I didn't think that kind of movie magic could be repeated a second time, and am happy to report I was proven wrong. I want to go on record saying a trilogy will push the limits and plead with producers to please stop while you're ahead-don't ruin a good thing.

Beastly

A thinly veiled modern take on Beauty and The Beast without any of the charm. I didn't anticipate any Oscar-worthy performances, cinematography or story. I also didn't anticipate this movie being so bad I was physically sick watching it. My body can handle only so much cheese before it starts rejecting the unGodly gooey mess.

The dialog was everything but interesting or subtle. I was able to keep up with the high school emo-chick being a real witch and cursing the pretty, rich popular boy for his vanity. What was so unbelievable is how they set up his isolation and Vanessa Hudgen's character Lindy being trapped with him.

After being cursed as ugly and told to "embrace the suck" which is now conveniently his tattooed eyebrows, handsome Kyle (played by Alex Pettyfer) is sent in to isolation by his father. He has a year to make someone fall in love with him and wastes several months of that being a miserable prick. The story progressed so fast and rough that none of the torment was visible so they had to stress it through numerous "I am in Hell" references.

Kyle met Lindy briefly his last day as the ideal male specimen and it was love at first sight-without the love. After he is cursed, he takes it upon himself to stalk her until one day she is placed in a ridiculously precarious situation forcing her to move into exile with him. But she doesn't know why she's there or who he is. I laughed so hard at this I cried.

Even the ever-funny Neil Patrick Harris as the blind tutor couldn't save this movie from itself. Vanessa Hudgens was cute as a button, but you can only do so much with a script this bad. One of the Olsen Twins was also in this movie playing an unbelievable teen witch with awesome shoes and everything she says has an echo. Ironically, the only good thing about this movie was Alex Pettyfer working out in his black briefs in the beginning of the movie.

I may have mentioned the concept of a "pie movie" before-a term my husband coined to describe a movie so bad that afterward, instead of provoking conversation, it inflicts only a desire for pie. This went beyond your typical pie movie such that I was craving pie DURING the movie as a consolation prize for sitting through this gag-fest.

If you saw this movie and disagree I implore you to comment below.

The Last Song

So I'll admit it. I am a closet Hannah Montana fan. Miley Cyrus is so bubbly and funny as Hannah Montana and the pop songs are annoyingly catchy. It's good, clean, Disney fun! Why I ever thought she could be a serious actress in a drama role is beyond me. Her acting was monotone, boring, unexciting and all the synonyms in between. Speaking of bad acting-Liam Hemsworth did nothing for me. Sure he's attractive in the "boy next door" kind of way, but his character fell flat. I wasn't interested in the love story AT ALL which is saying something considering this is a chick flick.

Nicholas Sparks stories usually translate to film beautifully. The Notebook is a passionate love story that spans ages with interesting characters and a sad but romantic surprise twist. A Walk To Remember utilized another young starlet to capture the depth of a brief and tragic love that changed those who witnessed it and provided hope to the audience. I'm hoping it's just an absolutely horrendous screen adaption, but the script for The Last Song was lacking in any real emotion and the story line was jumpy, at best. I can't blame the actors for everything because it didn't seem like they had much to work with here.

 I know the book is always better than the movie and although I haven't actually read the book, the movie isn't really inspiring me to venture to this particular novel anytime soon. Seriously, is it a story about Family? First loves? Second chances? The movie poster says it's D) All of the Above AND the Moments in Life That Lead You Back Home. I say there's too many story lines and surprisingly, not enough story. The plot is weak, the performances sucked, and I would say utterly predictable, but at times I didn't know what the main focus was leaving me completely lost and that is not a good thing! I would have preferred predictable. 

Knowing it's based off a Nicholas Sparks novel, I expected a main character death in an overly emotionally wrought way, but I hoped it would be the boyfriend as this is also a tragic love story. Alas, I suspected and confirmed too late in that it was SPOILER ALERT the father. With 40 minutes left of the movie, cue the long, painful death and one too many insightful Miley moments set to powerful piano ballads in minor chords. It had me wishing every song was The Last Song. If it weren't for the fact that I recently and tragically lost my father I would have been too bored to cry. As it was, I broke down like a baby and bawled off and on for the last 20 minutes until I was able to wrench myself from the TV, drag my sorry ass upstairs, and blubber like an idiot to my husband in front of his friend. Thanks a lot for that Nicholas Sparks, Jeff van Wie (screenplay), Miley Cyrus, Greg Kinnear, and Julie Ann Robinson (director, in case you care). 

Overall, I found the movie incredibly draining. I'm glad I didn't pay money in theaters but got it for free on Starz HD which I then DVR'd and watched when, after flipping through over 800 cable channels, I deemed  there was literally nothing else on. 

Bandslam

I wanted to see this when it was in theaters, but it came and went so fast, I missed it. When it came available to watch on Starz, I couldn't pass it up-it was free! Thank goodness for that. While it wasn't the most horrible movie I've ever watched (See:When in Rome), I am glad I didn't spend money on this film.
So, I am a total sucker for the High School Musical series and thought this would be a less Disney-esque PC version. Kind of. Vanessa Hudgens, cute as a button, is annoying as a monotone ex-stutterer with even very little personality. Thank goodness, she isn't the focus of the film. That is split between the main guy-I don't care enough to know the actor's name because he is really ugly to look at for a whole movie and needs to only show up as a sidekick. He doesn't even have an awkward Michael Cera vibe that he can play up. At least the screen time is split with Aly Michalka. She is mesmerizing-ly pretty to look at. I have a girl crush on her beautiful blond, naturally kinky curled hair and that little mole above her pouty lips. That sounded totally lez, so let me rephrase: she's a gorgeous actress who makes watching the film bearable even though her character is stupid. Side note: not even her sex appeal combined with bubbly Ashley Tisdale in a short skirt can save Hellcats on WB.

I digress. The movie is okay and has some funny LOL moments, but overall is a snooze fest with forgettable songs.

RED-Retired: Extremely Dangerous

Bruce Willis is a total DILF. Just had to get that out of the way!

Saw RED on Sunday with the fam on an open caption screen (for my mom, she's deaf). I can't wait to see it again and then own it on DVD. It's utterly predictable, but such a fun ride, that you don't care how much cheese it spits at you. Bruce Willis is still hot kicking ass. Morgan Freeman knows how to have fun. John malkovich is John Malkovich-absolutely insane, but never breaks character. And Helen Mirren...well, I don't know much about her, but she was fantastic as well.

All are retired CIA operatives who find themselves as targets of a massive cover-up putting them at the top of a hit list. They must fight to stay alive and uncover who's behind the hit. It's fast-paced, full of action and over-the-top fight scenes. (I don't know what's my favorite, Bruce Willis walking out of a spinning car all bad-ass or john Malkovich getting revenge on a banker-dressed assassin who called him old). The fun doesn't stop and neither do the laughs.

The whole film is delivered tongue-in-cheek which just offers more outrageous scenarios. I don't want to say much more without giving away the plot, ormore importantly, the hilarious banter. JUST SEE THE MOVIE FOR YOURSELF.

HereAfter

Saw Hereafter in theaters on Saturday. It was Gawd-Awful! It was a toss-up between Hereafter and Life As We Know It (cheesy rom-com starring Josh Duhamel, gag). Life As We Know It was rated "skip it" and Hereafter was a "maybe" by my phone app critics. There is no "maybe" about this movie-it was 100% terrible.

 **SPOILER ALERT** 
The movie starts with a French reporter on vacation in Thailand when it gets hit by a massive tsunami and she dies briefly and gets visions of the afterlife. This all the action the movie has and then it gets real boring. Don't let the tsunami circa 2004 Thailand throw you-this has nothing to do with the rest of the story. It is just a meaningless hook to get people to think the movie has a point. It doesn't.

Next, we meet twin boys living in England with a Heroin-addicted mom. Long story short, one of the boys dies by being hit by a van after he ran in the street without looking because he was being harassed by some other boys. FYI not the best scene to watch 10 days after my own father passed by being struck by a semi-truck as he was walking in a crosswalk. Traumatic doesn't begin to describe this. And it wasn't even worth enduring because, let me re-iterate, the movie SUCKED.

Finally, we meet a burnt-out psychic living a pathetic life dealing with his "curse." His brother wants to use him, but he just wants to be left alone. And he can't build a real relationship because when he touches someone, he can see their hidden ghosts, literally and figuratively.

The next 119 minutes is boring exposition. Nothing happens, you are thoroughly confused and you don't understand how the 3 stories relate. The last 10 minutes, predictably, find the 3 characters meeting up in England at a book fair. The psychic reluctantly reads the boy and gives him closure after his twins death. The psychic meets the reporter, who lost everything after here life-after-death experience and they go on a date which glimpses into a happy future for them both. THE END.

I am not kidding, the movie ends here. So, to recap: Three boring characters from each end of the world have an experience with the hereafter, none of which is interesting. Then they meet.

Trust me, don't waste your time on this movie, no matter how cute Matt Damon is, it just isn't worth the 2 hr, 9 min run time.

When In Rome

Just watched When in Rome with Kristen Bell and Josh Duhamel.

I stayed home from work to run errands and clean the house, but while searching for something to watch during lunch, I decided upon this movie. It's a cheesy rom-com I wouldn't pay money to see in the theater, but now that it's free from Starz On Demand, Why not? I thought. It started off cheesy, but cute. It progressed to annoyingly predictable. There were way too many "poignant" moments set to bad music, I stopped counting. The one redeeming factor is if alcohol was involved, I could turn this into a decent drinking game-such as drink every time you want to groan at an over-the-top, over used, lame cliche. I suffered through the last 30 minutes because, let's face it, I'm a  trooper and I had already come this far. When this painful excuse for entertainment finally ended my only thought was....Damn! I wish I just spent the last 2 hours of my life filing papers, doing laundry, and taking out the trash.