Dealing With Family

I think dealing with family after a death is harder than dealing with the death itself.

After all the hugging, the crying, the consolation, the bickering begins. When does it end? Everyone copes with death in their own way. When it's manslaughter-something so tragic and unthinkable, all emotions are heightened. Grandma wants her son buried because she believes cremation condemns the soul to burn in Hell. The kids want cremation because dad mentioned it to a few people several years ago. Grandpa wants a Lutheran priest to preside over the ceremony because dad was Baptized Lutheran as a child. His kids have no preference because they weren't raised in any religion. Who's right? Doesn't matter-he's still dead and the family fights over what they want and what they think he wants and what the kids want and what the parents want.

The oldest child is in denial. The son lost his father at 19. The middle girl wants to control everything. Grandma picks a fight over a can opener. She already owns 4. One daughter feels she was closer to her father than anyone else. The other daughter doesn't know how to be a big sister and stop the pain. Who asked his son how he feels? Grandma is extremely demanding of the second oldest's time and energy. The eldest lives in another state and doesn't have the constant reminder. A son visits his father's cross by the road every week. So does his sister. Another sister doesn't have that luxury.

Whose shoulder do you cry on when nobody understands what you are going through? When you resent each other for their relationship, their distance, the responsibility they take on unnecessarily and the role they avoid?

A man walked across the street to get a bag of ice. He had health problems. Failing eyesight and hearing loss. Lasting issues from a broken foot that healed incorrectly years ago caused him to hobble with help from a cane. He was offered a ride, but chose to walk because that's what the doctor recommended. This father was  doing what little he could to get healthy so he could one day walk his daughter down the aisle and enjoy his grandkids. 


This man made it to the store, got his ice, and walked back across the road. The crosswalk was marked, but uncontrolled. A yellow diamond with an adult and child outlined walking stood 50 feet before the lines. The street light above it was out on a cloudy, overcast day at dusk. 


A driver had 5 hours of sleep and had been on duty for 11 hours on his way back to the office from a trip to Yuma which would end his work day. He drove with no headlights on. He drove through a crosswalk. He felt the impact and heard the BOOM and slammed on his brakes. Skid marks from the rear tires begin in the crosswalk. 


Witnesses say the man had 1 foot on the sidewalk and one more step to safety. 


A fatality occurred on this day of this month of this year at the corner of X and Y when a pedestrian was was hit by a semi truck in a crosswalk. The 49-year-old father leaves behind three kids ages 24, 22, and 19, his mother and father, two brothers. Aunts. Uncles. Cousins and nephews. A great nephew 6 months in the womb. Two ex-wives, one the mother of his children. Friends. Co-workers. 


The pedestrian was rushed to that hospital in critical condition where he died from injuries sustained in the accident. The driver was uninjured. 

He frustrated me and never got to the point and took 2 hours to say three sentences and he had a curly white-boy-fro and a mustache that tickled when he kissed me good-bye and I talked to him when I had a bad day at work and he wanted a dog for Christmas and he wouldn't let me get my driving permit at 16 without him and he wanted a Google printout of my new house in Vegas which I mocked him relentlessly for and I was going to bring pictures next time I saw him and that time never came.

I can't be everything to everyone. You want me to fake it and I don't know how. For you, I would, but I don't know how to be something I'm not. I'm not even sure I have that energy. I can't fight with you because a man died and that man was my father. Too. He belonged to us both and there is grief in my heart as in yours. I'm not the big sister you looked up to and wanted me to be. I can't solve this problem and I can't make you happy and I just end up doing and saying everything wrong. Nothing about this situation is right, so why should I be? Denial gives me the strength to not drown in your tears. My heart is just as broken as yours and breaks more each day I see your pain. And I can't be the person you want me to be-the big sister I want to be for you.

I Wore This Hat

Yes. it's true. I wore this hat all day Sunday. It's a robot. I went to the mall. I shopped at Express. I walked through Whole Foods. I ate at a Mexican food restaurant. All while wearing this hat (and fingerless gloves to complete the look).

SUPER!

Not Quite the 19th

My co-worker's father passed away October 31st. A mere 12 days after my own. Way to steal that spotlight. I thought it might be considerate to ask him on the 31st hoe he's doing with the 4 month anniversary of his father's passing. Then I realized his reprieve. Lucky duck! February only has 28 days-no 31st day as a frigging reminder of what was lost. In fact, most months don't have 31 days. But all months have at least 19. 

Like clockwork, the 19th serves as a chain pulling me back to that night. It seems like the 19th comes earlier and earlier each month. As it approaches, I wait to mourn. I found myself sad on the 11th and thought, no this isn't right. 8 more days then the tears can spill freely for it will have been 4 months. You can't cry at 3 months and 3 weeks. That's just weird.

I'm in denial, you know. Is it possible to be self-aware of your own denial or does that defeat it? Not about his death. I know that's very real. I'm not some 6 year old holding hope my daddy just went to a daddy farm to be with other daddies his own age. Rather, I feel detached from the whole situation. I sit above the tragedy and ride the waves of pain but the current never pulls me under despite the dead weight and heavy heart. When I cry, the tears are as dry as the desert I live in. Is that normal? I accept everything as superficial facts. The details matter not for the outcome never changes. 

Monday is Valentine's Day. A "holiday" of which my husband and I have chosen to abstain. Everyone else will be celebrating love while I prepare for the following week. The 19th. The day I dedicate to death. 

Web Recommendations

Here's a cool place to go on the web:

Cracked.com (you can click here for the link)

Funny articles. Funny videos. Funny columns. Satirical humor everywhere you look on this website.

My friend showed me a Hate by Numbers segment criticizing Black Eyed Peas "I Gotta Feeling." If you haven't seen the video or heard the song then you have been living under a rock. Seriously, I drove 13 hours to Sacramento two summers ago and heard it on the radio no less than 3 times per hour. At one point I changed the station and it was still on.

http://www.cracked.com/video_17618_black-eyed-peas-have-officially-written-worst-song-ever.html

And just in case you've been living under a rock for the last few years and haven't ever seen the reference BEP video, this link is for you.

Random Pics of Vegas

What did I come up with this week?

Hash House A Go Go

McDonald's fries and a shake

New York, New York hotel

A bronze statue character on the Strip in Las Vegas

I found this sculpture in front of the MGM Grand to be very beautiful in a simple way.

Picture's from Collin's Visit

Some photos from a few weeks ago when Collin visited us in Vegas:

Bryce goofing off at Hash House A Go Go

 Collin laughing at Bryce being weird

It looks like I have a mustache

Me and Collin

Collin ponders which type of sugar to use...

 S'More's latte. Yum!

The three of us after breakfast

At Yard House. There may have been some alcohol involved.

Collin drinks a framboise concoction

 I love the apricot beer

 Bryce with some dark beer. I thought it tasted nasty. 

Collin's Visit

Holy Frijoles! These past few weeks have been a whirlwind of friends and family and work overload. I'm so glad I can finally rest at home and get a chance to blog. It's been so long since me and my laptop have had our alone time.

So, my friend Collin came to Vegas a few weekends ago and stayed with us in our luxurious guest room (mattress on the floor is a major upgrade from previous accommodations). It was a really great visit. We gambled some. I taught Collin how to play craps and won $140. He lost everything, made a 2nd stop at the ATM and won $600 at the roulette table. I made him walk away after that. We tried an amazing new restaurant featured on Food Network's "Man vs Food," Hash House A Go Go.

See video here:
http://www.travelchannel.com/travelchannel/TV_Shows/Man_V_Food/Video/Fried_Chicken_Eggs_Benedict

The food was really tasty and came in outrageously large portions.

The S'More's Latte that all 3 of us shared, it was so big!

The bun on my burger was about 6 inches in diameter.  

Collin had the Fried Chicken Benedict-the meal shown on Man vs Food. For Collin, "food" won out. He took more than half back home in a to-go box.

After we gorged ourselves at brunch, Bryce, Collin and I went back home to rest. We made Lime/Patron cupcakes then spent the evening at Yard House where we all got a little tipsy! Sunday followed with another gluttonous buffet breakfast at Aliante Station in North Las Vegas and more gambling. I finally dropped Collin off at the airport Monday night after work. It was sad to see him go but I had a great weekend and look forward to next time he comes to Vegas!

The Last Song

So I'll admit it. I am a closet Hannah Montana fan. Miley Cyrus is so bubbly and funny as Hannah Montana and the pop songs are annoyingly catchy. It's good, clean, Disney fun! Why I ever thought she could be a serious actress in a drama role is beyond me. Her acting was monotone, boring, unexciting and all the synonyms in between. Speaking of bad acting-Liam Hemsworth did nothing for me. Sure he's attractive in the "boy next door" kind of way, but his character fell flat. I wasn't interested in the love story AT ALL which is saying something considering this is a chick flick.

Nicholas Sparks stories usually translate to film beautifully. The Notebook is a passionate love story that spans ages with interesting characters and a sad but romantic surprise twist. A Walk To Remember utilized another young starlet to capture the depth of a brief and tragic love that changed those who witnessed it and provided hope to the audience. I'm hoping it's just an absolutely horrendous screen adaption, but the script for The Last Song was lacking in any real emotion and the story line was jumpy, at best. I can't blame the actors for everything because it didn't seem like they had much to work with here.

 I know the book is always better than the movie and although I haven't actually read the book, the movie isn't really inspiring me to venture to this particular novel anytime soon. Seriously, is it a story about Family? First loves? Second chances? The movie poster says it's D) All of the Above AND the Moments in Life That Lead You Back Home. I say there's too many story lines and surprisingly, not enough story. The plot is weak, the performances sucked, and I would say utterly predictable, but at times I didn't know what the main focus was leaving me completely lost and that is not a good thing! I would have preferred predictable. 

Knowing it's based off a Nicholas Sparks novel, I expected a main character death in an overly emotionally wrought way, but I hoped it would be the boyfriend as this is also a tragic love story. Alas, I suspected and confirmed too late in that it was SPOILER ALERT the father. With 40 minutes left of the movie, cue the long, painful death and one too many insightful Miley moments set to powerful piano ballads in minor chords. It had me wishing every song was The Last Song. If it weren't for the fact that I recently and tragically lost my father I would have been too bored to cry. As it was, I broke down like a baby and bawled off and on for the last 20 minutes until I was able to wrench myself from the TV, drag my sorry ass upstairs, and blubber like an idiot to my husband in front of his friend. Thanks a lot for that Nicholas Sparks, Jeff van Wie (screenplay), Miley Cyrus, Greg Kinnear, and Julie Ann Robinson (director, in case you care). 

Overall, I found the movie incredibly draining. I'm glad I didn't pay money in theaters but got it for free on Starz HD which I then DVR'd and watched when, after flipping through over 800 cable channels, I deemed  there was literally nothing else on.