Facebook Ruins Lives

As a writer, I place great value on my First Amendment Freedom of Speech. I hate bigots, hypocrites, racists, sexists and otherwise intolerant, ignorant idiots. And preachy Christians. Let's not forget those MF's. But damn-it-all if they don't have the right to say whatever they want (as long as it isn't in the workplace). Conversely, I have the right NOT to listen. My mom exercises her right daily. She's deaf. It's a joke. You don't have to laugh.

I have a very blunt and abrasive personality. I lack even a basic filter and "sugar-coating" is not something I excel at. Or even try to. Why waste time mincing words? Life is short and we should be open and honest. Now, I don't try to be mean, but sometimes, I don't realize what I say is mean. Feel free to take whatever I say with a grain of salt. Add a sarcastic undertone so you know only every other words is how I really  feel. Or, simply, tune me out. Stop reading. Ignore everything I say.

But what happens someone who loves the First Amendment and passionately spouts off anything with a hint of feeling or reasonable logic without consent from every second cousin and their mother is a member of your family? What happens when all that dirty laundry gets aired on Facebook?

Simply put, FACEBOOK RUINS LIVES.

It's true. It's common sense nowadays that you should not put up inappropriate pictures that dictate lewd and vulgar behaviors, habits, and/or vices on to the interwebsnetulars. Last weekend's party pictures could be ground from expulsion from school for underage drinking. If you want to send a naked picture to your girlfriend, but you are a baseball coach who "friended" several parents and students and accidentally posted those pictures publicly, consider yourself out of a job. It's dangerous stuff to submit any personal information to the web. So how do people everywhere remain employed when nefarious websites like Facebook exist?

Loose example of a Facebook life-ruining post: "My family is made up of fucktards." (I would apologize for that language, but it defeats the purpose of the point I'm making). Now, a family member is upset that this post casts them in a bad light and could prevent them, from being hired.

Let's delve into their fully-legitimate concern:

1. Nobody wants to hire a fucktard. If even your family thinks you are a fucktard, that doesn't bode well with a potential employer. And if they are willing to post it on Facebook for the entire world wide web to see, they  REALLY think you are fucktard and everyone should know.

Now, let's delve into why their concern is complete and utter BS designed to trample my First Amendment right to free speech and mask the fact that are just too chicken-shit to say what you really want to. You don't like me and want to make me out to be the bad guy. You really are a fucktard.

1. Fucktard is a derogatory slang comprised of "fuck" and "-tard." "Fuck" can be good or bad. If I say "Fuck you, you crazy fool," it appears I am telling you to piss off, I don't appreciate you or what you may have just said/done. However, maybe you were cute and I am joking. Really, you can only tell my true meaning by my tone and personality and our relationship. Tone is not easily derived through writing, especially in a short message like that. Remember: Only you have the power to prevent misunderstandings. However, surrounding words can provide contextual clues. "That sex was fucking good," uses "fuck" in a positive manner replacing it for "really" and "very" and emphasizing how "good" the sex was.

Now, let's examine "-tard." A "retard" refers to a slowing down or hindrance, as in a machine. It is commonly, although disparagingly used to describe people are mentally handicapped or learn something slowly. When tacked onto "fuck", a "fucktard" becomes shortened slang for "fucking retard" meaning the person who made the statement believes the subject is (negative adjective)(slow at something). This could be good or bad, but it's safe to assume it's not a nice statement. Just because it isn't nice doesn't make it any less true. And my First Amendment Right protects me to voice my opinion.

2. We have decided that "fucktard" is a nasty name that has no business being referred to family members and is damaging to their reputation. Or, is it? First of all, if the statement is accurate, anybody who knows you knows it is true. If they don't know you well enough to know it's true, they will soon find out. If they are hard-core you-supporters, it won't matter what anyone else says, it will just make them look hateful and you look the victim. "But will an employer who sees this post even give me the chance?" you ask yourself. Honestly, I don't know. But IF they do see this post, there is no reference to you. No names are given. "Family" is vague. It could include siblings, parents, grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, second cousins, great-aunts, godparents, step's and in-laws. Since your name is not specifically "tagged," there is no way for an employer to pinpoint you are said "fucktard." Many people have disagreements with family (immediate, extended or otherwise) from time-to-time and may exaggerate their frustrations. I'm sure any reasonable employer would disregard this comment completely when doing a thorough background search on you. I'm also positive there are way worse things popping up in your background search than this dismissive comment.

Facebook, your potential employer has no way of knowing (nor would they really care to this extent) who every member of your family is and what their relationship is to you. You have full control over who you list as "family" and if someone calls you a "fucktard" and you still list them as family, you really are a fucktard.

3. Let's focus on the IF, now. You are worried IF an employer sees this. The post doesn't specifically mention you by name, therefore not tagging you, therefore, not appearing on your FB page. It may show up in your newsfeed, but not in a public view. An employer, and all your friends (who are not mutual friends with the postee) will not see this post or associate it with you. EVER. Furthermore, you unfriended the posteee months before. Worse, you BLOCKED the person. In FB terms, that person is dead to you and vice versa. There are no associations, connections, links or ties. This is how BLOCKING works.

Still unnecessarily worried that this generic post that doesn't reference you, appear on your forum, show up in public may implicate you in your stupidity during a job search? read below for the fix:

Easy-peasy, fresh and sleazy, just go to www.facebook.com. Log in. On the upper right hand side you will see your name, "home," and a tiny little arrow pointing down. Hover over that sneaky arrow and options will pop up, namely, "privacy settings." This is how you adjust EVERYTHING form pics to post to personal information on who can see what. Everyone, friends, friends of friends, acquaintances. These are your options on just about everything. That nifty little "tag" option so friends can post embarrassing photos of you? Change your privacy settings and that will never happen again.

Thank you, Mark Zuckerberg et al for realizing not everyone needs to be all up in my biz. Personally, I prefer friends of friends have the ability to private message me, photos are only seen by friends, but even acquaintances can view my posts, because they must know what I had for dinner and what I thought of that car who tailgated me on the freeway. Sidenote-Don't text FB status updates and drive.

Now that you have adjusted your privacy settings that controls not only who sees what you post, but also what others can post about you, you can rest assured your reputation will remain intact and untainted.


Now, please get the fuck out of my business, DO NOT designate what I can and cannot say on my OWN page that in no way is affiliated with you and please stop making me out to be the bad guy. You can't even confirm you were the subject for the post.

Until now.

You are totally a fucktard. I hate your guts. If you mess with me again, I WILL name names. I WILL ruin your life. The fact that you are a fucktard is no secret. I know REAL secrets. About you. About your family. MY family (until you designated me black sheep).

You can say whatever you want about me. That's your right. But you KNOW what you're saying is all lies and you're nothing but a mean, petty, spiteful, horrible human being. Say what you want, when you want to whoever you want. Because I have Facebook.

And Facebook Ruins Lives.