14 Months

I was never close to that side of the family. So when he called, it was unusual. I almost didn’t answer, it was late. But I did.

And I found out my dad was dead.

So now I answer every cal. Any call. Waiting for the same news. I’m closer to that side now. But still I answer. It’s not so unusual for one of them to call now. But I never send to voicemail. I never make a polite excuse. I claim no time as too sacred not to answer. I do steel myself for the bad news. I do sober immediately. I do hush a loud room, take a deep breath, pause. But I answer.

So when my phone rang just shy of 6am and I saw it was my grandma, I pulled from the throes of sleep. My grandma calls me now, but not this early. That’s something my dad would do. But never grandma. Something must be wrong. I answered without getting up.

“Hello?” I tentatively asked. Really wanting to know, “What’s the bad news?” Or “Who is it this time?”

“Good morning! You awake?” Too happy. So no one died while I slept.

“Yeah.” I lied. My husband rolled over, but he’s still sleeping.

“I wanted to tell you a joke.” I don’t interrupt. If grandma wants to tell a joke at 6am, you don’t questions her eccentricities. You listen and laugh when appropriate.

As she introduced Forest Gump to the Pearly Gates, I laughed. She asked if I was really awake. I guess that wasn’t the funny part. She proceeds with the joke.

Forest has to pass a test. Answer 3 questions correctly and he gets into Heaven. What are the 2 days of the week starting with T? Today and tomorrow. How many seconds are in a year? 12. Jan 2^nd, Feb 2^nd...What is God’s first name? Andy. Andy walks with me. Andy talks with me. Andy guides me. I laughed. My grandma laughed. She’s going to share the joke with my uncles and cousins later today. I was the first she told.

I once complained to my grandma that living out of state, I was last to know everything. Now she calls me first on everything. I was the first to know my grandpa’s sister passed away. I was the first to hear this joke. And grandma always points it out. “You’re the first. Out of everybody, I called you first.” That’s my grandma for you.

She reminds me it’s the 19^th. My daddy died on the 19^th. I didn’t remember. I remembered that’s when he died, you never forget that. But today is Dec. 19^th. It’s been one year and 2 months. And I forgot to remember to be sad. It wasn’t automatic. I thought about him a lot this week, but I didn’t associate the pending date. I thought ahead to Christmas and New Year’s and my little cousin’s 1^stbirthday. 14 months never flashed through my head. I guess it flashed through others. And now I am sad I forgot her grief too.

I don’t know what to say to console my grandma who called to tell me a joke at 6am before anyone else.

“”Thought you’d be getting ready for work and it sounded like some smartass answers your father would say.”

Now I really don’t know how to respond. Because it would be exactly like my father to call at an ungodly hour with a corny joke. Strike that. A LONG corny joke. Because he’s my dad and he was nothing if not annoying. And corny. And my daddy.

“Yeah,” I managed to say.

“Well, I just wanted to tell you I love you and have a good day at work. You gonna stay awake after I hang up?”

“Yeah,” I lied again. It’s still dark and I work from home. “I love you too.”

I hang up and lay back down. My husband is awake and asks if everything’s okay. “Just grandma, go to sleep.” Because how do I explain grandma calling with a Forest Gump joke? I don’t.

And at this hour with the world dark and unconscious and me half-asleep, it almost feels as if my dad was here. Telling me a stupid joke to start my day.