Is My Smile on Straight?

Having a totally miserable week playing the role. Sometimes perfection takes its toll. I know nobody's perfect, but try convincing the people who expect ME to be of that fact. To err is to human. But being human is way too painful. I want to be robotic and work on autopilot. At least for a little while.

So forgive me for wearing a fake smile if it helps me get through the day. If I fake it long enough, who knows? Maybe it will come true and I might actually feel complete again.

Fire on Dark Water by Wendy K. Perriman

The back cover describes the book as "A novel of stark survival, Fire on Dark Water is the story of a woman plunged into the depths of corruption. Within the bloodstained waters of the Caribbean, it will take both cunning and unwavering strength for her to become the woman she was always meant to be, and thrive in the golden age of piracy..."

I describe this book as "Rape-in the golden age of piracy." 

Admittedly, I did not finish the book. After reading 204 pages, I literally stopped mid chapter. And ladies and gentlemen, that was that.

Let's dissect, shall we? By "A novel of stark survival," the editor means Lola, the main character, must survive after she is duped away from her gypsy family at the age of 7 to be sold as a virgin sex slave. After fighting back THE NEXT DAY, she is beaten to within an inch of her life and dropped at the doorstep of the resident Golden Age of Piracy-equivalent of a crime lord where she is promptly taught how to pickpocket and scam for money. While on a nice little illegal venture, Lola is arrested and "sentenced" to a ship bound for the New World (that's us, America!-the Land of Opportunity was once the worst kind of punishment short of death). So far, she has survived simply through no fault of her own. 

When the editor writes "the story of a woman plunged into the depths of corruption" they are referring to the SEVEN-year-old girl stolen from her family. By page 200, Lola has only aged to 15. While I know the average life-span that many years ago was 36 practically making Lola middle-aged, this book is classified as  YA novel and the content is ill-appropriate for today's average teenager. 

At "... it will take both cunning and unwavering strength for her to become the woman she was always meant to be..." the editor is simply toying with the reader. The previous sentence implies Lola is a woman and this is her story. But, now we are backpedaling to say these events will shape her into a woman, eventually. BTW what kind of woman was she meant to be that 8 years of repeated rape and other such bad shiz is needed to mold her? 

Whatever it was, the rape didn't do the trick. Lola has neither cunning or unwavering strength. In fact, she is pretty much a naive simpleton child who is raped, trusts the wrong person-which leads her to be raped again, before luck sends on her on the next leg of her journey-which leads to more rape and more trusting the wrong people (usually the one who rapes her), before circumstance sends her on her way again-which leads to more rape. Eventually, she breaks the cycle by charging for sex. This is a socially acceptable position for a 12-year-old girl in the Golden Age of Piracy, natch. At 15, Lola leaves the glamorous life of prostitution to become the wife of the infamous Pirate Captain Blackbeard (he's in his 50's, from the description). Of course, she later discovers she was lucky wife numero 13 and the marriage was not legally binding. Essentially, it boils down to her being raped by someone she trusted. It seems we have gone full circle, and that is that.

The real interesting character is Anne Bonny. At one point Lola is sold to a plantation owner as a servant. He rapes her statutorily by today's standards, but buys her nice things, essentially introducing her to the spoils of prostitution. Anne is the -brat seems too nice- cold, manipulative, BITCH daughter who makes Lola's life miserable at every given point. Lola hates Anne, but with several opportunities for revenge throughout the 204 pages I read, she shows loyalty and gets figuratively raped by the fearless and heartless Anne. 

To sum: Lola gets raped, a lot. A little boy she befriends on the ship to the New World gets raped, a lot. Her friend Violet gets raped, a lot. 

True Story

A few days ago, I stopped by the office of a potential customer. He was busy, so I left my card. He contacts me to set up a meeting. Today we meet.

All seems normal.

Except, he surprises me with some new-found information about me, my education and probing my experience. You know, stuff NOT on my business card. I was caught completely off-guard by this sudden turn of events. Do you know how disarming it is to talk to a total stranger who possesses knowledge on your past you didn't provide.

It wasn't creepy. Really, it was more funny....in a creepy way.

After coming to the conclusion he must have Google'd me, I came home and frantically reviewed what dirty little internet bugs pop up with variations of my name. Thankfully, I recently privatized many of my accounts and removed inappropriate content (some stuff I say makes for awkward conversation later). While locking my internet profile up tighter and throwing away the key, a light bulb went off over my pretty little head.

If HE can search ME, I most certainly can search HIM. It's only less weird when done in reciprocation.

To my surprise, a quick Google search only pulls up his Twitter account, which is private. But it links to his semi-private Facebook page where I wonderfully discovered he read the Twilight Saga and The Dresden Files-which I will tease mercilessly and praise, respectfully. And that's not all...FB gives up the MySpace account which, like the rest of society, hasn't been updated in years and has all the juicy shit we posted on the internet before we knew to make our accounts private, then forgot all about.

As we say in Las Vegas: "Jackpot, Baby!"